Doors of the Military
by ricochet941
Summary: Ed's always breaking Roy's door, and now Roy needs him to make a new one. Hints of EdxRoy. Written for the Livejournal Community FMA Exchange


Written for the Livejournal community, FMAExchange, dedicated to getting writers to think outside the box and their OTP's.

**Doors of the Military**

Punctual. Subtle. Cautious.

None of these words described Edward Elric. In fact, they were the exact opposite of the true definition of the Fullmetal Alchemist. Edward was nothing short of a blonde, metallic tornado, that whirled through Roy Mustang's office in East City every few days or so. Loud, destructive, and foul-mouthed, the young state alchemist would whip into the office to deliver a poorly written report, before shouting at Mustang for his quiet observation of Ed's height compared to others and slamming the door behind him as he ran to meet up with his younger brother.  
At last count, Ed had destroyed five doors that fiscal quarter, and the higher ups were threatening Mustang with paying out of pocket should it happen again. The Colonel kept that in mind as he leaned back in his worn leather chair, one hand tapping against his scratched and warped cherry wood desk, the other tracing over the sharp line of his jaw. His silky, obsidian locks gracefully fell into his eyes, shielding the midnight blue tinted pupils slightly from the harsh golden glare of his young subordinate.  
Edward lowered his gaze back to the crumpled, stained paper in his hands, and continued reading where he had suddenly paused. "The bald guy ran into the building with the green sign, which I chased him into before transmuting one of the tables into a really big bat. I hit him over the head and he fell back into some barrels of some stuff. He knocked down a shelf of some glass; I think it was bottles or jars."  
Roy sighed inwardly. Edward was smart, smarter than anyone he had ever met before, but for some reason, the kid could not write a proper report. It was as if all intelligence escaped him, as he wrote the words down on the back of a paper menu he had gotten from the Xingian restaurant with greasy fingers. Mustang would have overlooked the bad presentation in exchange for a report that was in some way helpful, but all he ever got from Ed was a useless pile of nothing. The only good thing that ever came from it was sometimes they found a place to eat from the back of the messy scrawls.  
"Ed, don't you think you could, I don't know," Mustang extended his hand to the side as if he were grabbing an invisible object, "be a little more clear and elaborate? I mean it doesn't help the military to know that you chased the _bald guy _into the _building with the green sign_. What would help, is the name of the suspect, or his rank in the organization would have sufficed, plus the name of the building with the green sign so we could compensate the owner for the damages you caused."  
"Well, you know, Mustang, I wasn't even supposed to go to this…this…place!" In his anger, Ed had already forgotten the name of the small town he had just recently saved. "I was supposed to be on my way back to Resembool to have my automail repaired, but you decided since it's still fully functional, I could wait!"  
Mustang watched wearily as the youthful blonde stamped his foot, shaking everything within a five-foot radius. Had it really been four years since the bean sprout had passed his State Alchemist exam? If time had to be judged by Edward's growth in personality, it would seem that time had hardly passed. Edward still acted as though his body, that was the same size of a twelve year old, was inhabited by the spirit of one. After a while, this rowdy nature was rather straining; especially on office supplies.  
"Bastard Colonel, you are always doing this to me! Sending me to do your dirty work just so you can climb up in the ranks with as little effort as possible," Ed growled, slamming his fist onto the desk. There was a sickening crunch, followed by a spray of tiny wooden shards into the air. "You have other subordinates, why don't you send them?"  
Roy pressed the tips of his fingers together, studying them as he did so. "Fullmetal, I had a _short _amount of time in which to get this done, with _little _options to accomplish it. The area, which you were in, was sparsely populated with military personnel…" Ed's round, childish face was turning a deep shade of red. "Of course, people of your _stature _are very useful in the line of duty."  
Roy was overcome with a quick, fleeting joy that was quickly turned into intense stupidity. Edward turned quickly on his heel, and stomped over to the closed door. With a sudden sinking feeling, Roy realized that this door had only had a military career of about two weeks. He said a silent prayer to any higher being that it would be spared; it had been a good door, to serve its country so well by opening and closing as quietly as it possibly could, and preventing eavesdroppers from hearing conversations of a very sensitive and serious nature.

It was not to be. The fates had written that the door had lived a good life, Roy thought wryly, as Ed's automail fingers grasped the handle and wrenched it backwards. As he stepped across the threshold, Ed turned back towards his commanding officer, keeping the doorknob grasped tightly in his hand. The wheels were turning in the boy's evil mind; any one could plainly see it. It was as if he were contemplating how best to put Mustang's department out of four hundred sens. The grin that spread across the Fullmetal Alchemist's face was certainly devilish, and with a sharp laugh, he pulled the door shut with such force that upon contact with the wall, the frosted glass shattered, raining down onto the stained and ragged carpeting. The doorframe split, creating a jagged "z" shaped crack that ran from the bottom of the glass to the floor. Roy ducked as the door handle propelled forward, smashed into the wall behind him, and then ricocheted back out through the waterfall of shattered glass.  
Roy carefully glanced up, his arms raised to protect his valuable, pretty face. That was one thing he couldn't risk damaging, especially since it was usually what got him out of trouble. He was startled to notice that Edward had vanished, even though his maniacal laughter could still be heard. The dust was slowly settling, having shot up from the dirty rugs upon impact. Several startled officers were cautiously peering into the room, and the only solace they could offer Roy was a few feeble smiles.  
Straightening his uniform as he stood, Roy gave what he knew was his most charming smile. "No worries, my subordinate isn't aware of his strength."  
The officers nodded, parting as they did to allow a blonde lieutenant through the door. She had eyes that missed nothing; even the smallest unfinished report strategically hidden under the desk could not escape her sharp gaze. The Colonel felt his smile falter. No charm he could ever muster could save him from a straight shot from the barrel of Lieutenant Hawkeye's gun. With a sweeping glance, she had already assessed the damage.  
"I'll call Maintenance in to clean up the mess. Shall I also call down to Marboso's?" She said without preamble.  
"No," Roy shook his head, "Just call maintenance. I'll call Marboso's myself later. Now that I have to replace the door myself, I'd rather deal with Marboso than have someone else deal with him. I mean, he is known for cheating people, so I'd rather hear what I am paying for in person."  
There was no sympathy on Hawkeye's face. "You knew this would happen, and yet you still teased Edward. You only have your self to blame."  
"I know, " He moaned, "but even when I'm not intentionally teasing him, Fullmetal still manages to damage my door." Roy moved back behind his desk and sat down. "It's not my fault his temper is matched only by his height."  
A tiny frustrated sigh escaped the otherwise composed Lieutenant. "Sir, do not forget those reports on the Moira incident for General Shuuya in your haste to handle the matter of the door personally." She saluted him, awaiting his dismissal.  
A faint nod sent her on her way as he pulled the reports for the General closer to him. His mind was still on the door, as he pressed his pen's nib onto the paper; he didn't want to pay for the new door. He didn't really have a hand in destroying it. It was all Edward's fault. He pulled the door shut hard on purpose. He smashed the glass with the intentions that lead into the naughty range.  
"If only Edward could pay for the door. That would save the money for the department, plus then I wouldn't have to deal with Marboso." He scrawled his name and initialed in all the right places. "Besides, the Fullmetal Alchemist could probably transmute a new door for cheaper." The second sheet was initialed, signed and pushed away. "All he would need is the equivalent amount of materials to do it."  
Suddenly, it felt as if a light bulb had gone on inside his head. Roy could've almost squealed like a little girl. It was so simple.  
"Fullmetal can fix the door!"

Vile…manipulative…arrogant…smart…dashing…funny…

"What the hell am I thinking?"  
A clump of snow did not survive the swing of Edward's boot; it was obliterated into non-existence by one carefully aimed swing. A new coat of gently fallen snow was coming down around him, but Ed hardly noticed the cold. His anger at Mustang was so strong it was providing enough body heat to actually heat four military dorms.  
With a harsh laugh, Ed turned the corner. "I'm sure if he could harness my anger, Mustang would actually market it. Find a way to turn a buck from it, I'm sure."  
The military hotel was only a few blocks away from Headquarters, but Ed had walked around town trying to cool his anger. For some reason, though he trusted Alphonse more than any person in the world, he had no desire to discuss his passionate outbursts and what they could possibly mean. Alphonse would speculate and dissect everything until he had come up with two plausible answers, which would eventually lead him to the correct answer, one Edward had known and understood for years. He wasn't sure exactly when his irritation with the magnificent Roy Mustang crossed into love, but he had for years already been forced to keep himself from acting on his actions. For all his understanding, Ed wasn't sure even Alphonse could handle that kind of news.  
"Besides, why would anyone want to be with Mustang? He's an arrogant bastard who only cares for climbing the ranks. He probably doesn't have time to spare for anyone else. He only dates those women just so Havoc will have to follow his legacy." Ed scoffed, trying to argue with himself.  
He had had this argument many times before, but he had never one a single battle. It was almost like sparring with Alphonse, except his mind did all the work during these matches. As if his heart were afraid he was getting too close to reasoning himself out if his feelings for Mustang, it awoke._ But you love him, it said, you have since the day he walked into Pinako's in Resembool. The dark tall stranger looming over your bed, dripping the sweet summer rain on your maimed and broken body; one breath was all it took.  
_ Of course it was all true, but it didn't mean that Ed had to like it. He pushed all thoughts of the Bastard Colonel from his mind as he climbed the stairs of the hotel, and entered into the lobby. He imagined heading up to his room, after asking the receptionist to send up a couple of fluffy towels, and taking a long, relaxing soak in the tub before inhaling a rather large meal; a perfect night, not ruined by thoughts of that man in anyway.  
"Mr. Elric?" A voice pulled him from an image of a large turkey leg and a bowl of mashed potatoes.  
It was the receptionist. He turned and headed towards the desk. "Yes?"  
"There is a message here for you," She handed him a thin slip of paper, with a short message and what appeared to be an address scrawled across it. Ed thanked her and began to read the message as he ascended the stairs.  
**Fullmetal,  
** **Report to my home as soon as you get this message. Here is the address:  
** **1555 Otaki Drive, Apartment A.**

"What the…whoa!"  
His foot slipped out from under him as the message registered in his brain. Mustang wanted him to come to his house! _His house! _But the sudden elation he felt was replaced by humiliation as he slowly began to fall backwards. He tumbled down the flight of stairs, landing with a loud crash at the bottom, his feet introducing themselves to his ears as he came to a halt. Patrons of the hotel and several startled employees peered down at him.  
"I'm okay! Just slipped is all!" He called trying to reassure the crowd around him.  
His face was burning in embarrassment at his less than graceful actions.  
"No really, I'm fine!" He waved away the concern of a young bellhop, as he wobbled his way back to the stairs. "Nothing broken, nothing hurt."  
Of course, nothing but his ego was injured. He bounded up the stairs keeping a firm grip on the railing as he made his way to his room, clutching Mustang's message in his free hand. His mind was now whizzing, trying to figure out why Mustang could possibly want him to come to his personal domain, and in such haste! His mind's eye was now hurriedly piecing together a dramatic scene were Mustang was professing his burning passionate love for Edward, amidst twelve dozen roses of all shades of color and bottle of what he was sure would be the most expensive wine Mustang could afford. He knew this wasn't it, but the image was so pleasant he let it sit in his mind for a brief minute as he turned the handle to his room. His plans for a large dinner and a hot bath had been dashed, but now he had a new goal; he needed to make himself presentable for Mustang's home. It was not every day a subordinate was invited to his commanding officers place of solitude, so dressing slightly different would not be surprising. He changed into a black button down shirt, and pulled on his trademark red jacket with the Flamel sign in record speed.  
"Al?" He called, acknowledging his brothers presence for the first time.  
There was a hallow echo. "Yes, Brother?"  
"I've got to go out. I'll be back later though, okay?" He poked his head around the door of the bathroom, where Al was sitting on the floor, oiling his head.  
"Okay, brother. Be careful."  
Ed smiled down at his younger brother, before turning and heading out of their hotel room.

"I should add inconsiderate little toe rag onto my list of things that describe Edward."  
Roy plopped down onto his couch with out a single ounce of grace. He still wasn't thrilled with the idea of receiving Edward into his personal sanctuary, but when he had inquired about calling Fullmetal back to Headquarters, Hawkeye had informed him that all military personnel were required to exit the building early that day to a monthly inspection for long planted bombs. She also informed the Flame Alchemist that he was still required to complete the remaining work for the day, and that General Shuuya, who coincidentally handle all financial matters for that headquarters, had demanded that Mustang have his new door in by the next afternoon.  
In order for his plan for Edward to be responsible for the door, it meant calling him to what the Colonel had dubbed, "Mustang Manor." He had left the message with the receptionist at Fullmetal's hotel nearly three hours ago, and Edward had yet to show up. As he flipped open his pocket watch for the nine hundredth time, he stretched his stiff legs out.  
"Where is he?"  
_As if the room is going to have the answer _he scoffed to himself. He leaned his head back, closing his eyes. It had been a long day, and it was a rare night where there wasn't a beautiful man or woman awaiting his return. And the couch was so comfy; he couldn't stifle the yawn creeping its way up his throat. Most likely Ed wouldn't heed his orders, and he would have to buy the door anyway….  
"MUSTANG! OPEN THE FREAKIN DOOR!"  
A loud knock accompanied by an even more obnoxiously loud voice startled the Colonel awake._ So Fullmetal has finally arrived, _he mused pushing himself off the couch. As he made his way to the door, the banging was growing louder with each passing second. He tried to hide his irritation as he swung open the door. Edward stood before him, his hand poised to knock, or rather, bang on the door. He had pulled the hood of his coat over his head, and steady streams of raindrops were flowing down the sides of the fabric.  
"What the hell took you so long?" Ed demanded, pushing his way past his commanding officer. "I've been knocking for fifteen minutes!"  
"Fifteen minutes? That's not possible. I just sat down a minute ago," Roy scratched his head.  
Ed's boots were making an unpleasant squishing sound as he threw himself down on the Colonel's leather chair. He glared up at the older alchemist, and pulled off his right boot. About half a glass of water fell from the inner depths, and soaked itself into the rug. Roy hardly noticed this genuine disrespect for his home in his sudden embarrassment. Not only had he left Edward to stand in the rain, but also now that he could see the boy more clearly, he was aware of how the soaked clothing of the Fullmetal Alchemist was hugging his well-formed frame.  
Truth be told, for sixteen years old, Edward did have a rather nice body. And it wasn't the first time Roy had caught himself over looking the youth; during a visit to Edward's hospital room after the Laboratory Five incident, he had seen more than intended. The boy had been uncovered during an examination, but in his weakened state, modesty had not occurred to Edward. Mustang had seen everything on the boy. Everything. As a lover of all things as beautiful as himself, the Flame Alchemist had overlooked the scars on the boy's body to see the most beautiful creature on earth. Next to himself, of course; but of this he said nothing. No one knew what his true feelings were for the Fullmetal Alchemist.  
"So what did you call me here for? It's not to rewrite the report, is it? Because if it is, you can just -."  
"No, Fullmetal it's not about the report," Roy cut the boy off. "It's about the door you destroyed."  
"I destroyed?" Ed grinned innocently. "I didn't intentionally destroy the door. You even said it yourself."  
Roy felt himself flare up at Edward's feigned innocence. "What are you talking about? I said nothing of the sort!"  
"Correct me if I am wrong, but didn't you say, 'My subordinate doesn't know his own strength?' Did you not say that as I left?"  
"I did, but that was for the benefit of the officers in the hall. Not because I believed it!" Ed had corned him already.  
A good reason as to why Roy had never acted on his feelings for the boy. Edward was infuriating to the last degree, acting like the child he no longer was. Of course, that was minor compared to the other reasons. Homosexuality was frowned on in the military, along with fraternizing in anyway. Not that of course, Roy considered himself to be gay; he just loved all things beautiful and that encompassed both men and women. If he had to be classified, he was in reality bisexual, interested in whatever caught his fancy at the moment.  
"There were witnesses! You said that I didn't intentionally break the door, so why are you calling me here to lecture me?" Ed leaned back in the chair, settling into a more comfortable position. "I hope you don't think I'm going to pay for the door, especially after that!"  
_Infuriating. Clever. A bad combination. _Roy turned his back on Edward and closed his eyes. He knew he couldn't lash out at the boy or his plans would be ruined.  
"Look Fullmetal, you don't even have to pay for the door. You can transmute one for me, saving our department the money." _Try to rationalize with him. _  
"From what?" Ed laughed. "The dust of the door?"  
"No, you could purchase the materials-…."  
A snort escaped Edward's lips. "Why would I buy the materials? I already told you I wouldn't buy a new door, so why would I relent to buy the materials and transmute one? Especially when I did nothing wrong in the first place."  
"We both know you did it on purpose because you think I was mocking your height." Roy turned, trying to keep his face calm.  
"I think?" Edward rolled his eyes. "No, I know you were mocking me. If you hadn't mocked me, I would've been shocked. So wouldn't everyone in a fifteen mile radius!"  
"I didn't. I was explaining to you the purpose of sending you on the mission as opposed to some other subordinate. How you took offense to that remains a mystery to me." _Lying, step five. _  
If he reached step 10, Roy knew he was going to have to buy the door himself. He turned back towards the youth. Edward was already beginning to look annoyed with the subject, his golden eyes narrowing with every comment. It was only a matter of time before Edward would storm out, and Roy would find himself replacing two doors.  
"Alright, Edward, lets make a deal," Roy was already frustrated as well. "What can I do for you that will make you want to take care of the door issue?"  
The surprise on Edward's face was evident, but fleeting. Only seconds later he had recovered from his shock and was looking at Mustang calculatingly. Suddenly, Roy had a feeling of regret. There was no way this could end well for him.  
"What do you mean?" The younger alchemist asked.  
"Well, what can I do for you, _within reason, _that will make you transmute the door for me?"

_At least the man was cute when he was practically begging_, Ed thought as he stared up at his commanding officer. _But what is he willing to give up for me to do the door? I'm sure there is a limit.  
_ "I'm not sure. What do you think you should do?" The blonde alchemist asked, looking coyly up.  
He was pleased to see Roy suddenly look uncomfortable. "Well, um…what do you want?"  
Ed sat back in his chair. His mind was suddenly teeming with possibilities, but only one became clear. He felt his cheeks burn with a mixture of pleasure and embarrassment. An image of him and Roy in a candle lit restaurant, digging into a fine meal. A date. He cleared his throat, and looked at Roy. The man was shifting from foot to foot, like a guilty person awaiting execution. At the sudden noise from Ed's throat, he turned his sharp dark gaze onto the youth.  
"Okay, I know what you can do, " Ed couldn't keep an evil smile from crawling onto his lips. "Take me to dinner at a fancy restaurant. One of those really expensive ones where you take all those women that gave you your reputation."  
The Flame alchemist's face dropped. "Like…on a _date? _"  
Roy was clearly horrified, but Ed's intestines squirmed with pleasure. "No, not like a date. Just dinner. And I might do something unexpected in the end that I don't want you to complain about. Go with it, and I'll transmute a new door for you."  
Ed watched a silent battle being waged on Roy's face. He clearly did not like the idea, but also wanted the door to be fixed by Ed just as badly. "Alright. You win."  
"Good. Let's go."

Within an hour, Roy had gotten them into a booth in the best Xingian place in East City. Ed was perusing the menu with the same interest most people showed to their children: loving and tender. The older man's foot was tapping constantly, wishing the night to end quickly. He couldn't imagine what Ed also had in store for him. The boy was twisted for sure, but this was insane. He was going to end up paying more in a meal for Edward than he would have for the door.  
"I think I'll have the lamb leg in mango sauce and a side of baked potato with butter, green beans, and artichokes," Ed said nonchalantly. "It's only 25 sens. That's not bad."  
"You mean, it's the most expensive thing on the menu, and it will hardly fill you up so I'll have to buy seven desserts as well?" Roy snapped, looking through his own menu.  
Ed looked up at him over the edge of the menu. The golden gaze seemed a tiny bit hurt, but it was gone so quick, the Flame alchemist wasn't sure if it had actually been there. Ed refused to answer, and when the waitress came, he ordered in a strained voice. Once she left after receiving Roy's ordered, Ed's head dropped and they sat in silence waiting for the meal. Aware that he had perhaps offended Edward, Roy remained mute through out the rest of the night. Edward finished his meal, quietly ordered a slice of pie and a cup of coffee, and ate that in silence as well.  
By the walk home, Roy was beginning to worry that all of his actions had been in vain. They came to a stop on his stoop outside his house, and Edward was still looking down at his feet. Roy turned to his young companion.  
"Well, I thought there was something else you wanted to do?" He asked, keeping his voice neutral.  
"I did," Ed said softly. "I also want to let you know, I'm leaving for Resembool tomorrow, to get my automail repaired. My train leaves before you are supposed to go into the office, so I will leave the door for you there, you'll just have to have someone hang it."  
Roy nodded. "Alright, then. And the thing you wanted do?"  
Clearly whatever Ed had in mind did not cost anything, except plenty of embarrassment on the boy's part. His face was blooming with a deep shade of red, and Roy felt intrigued. He looked down at Ed, and smiled. _What could he possibly want that was making him this uncomfortable? _  
"Close your eyes for a minute, would you?" Ed asked, quietly.  
"Alright," Roy complied. He closed his eyes, keeping his face straight ahead.  
He hardly expected what was coming next. He heard a clap, and the sound of a quick transmutation. He kept his eyes closed, but felt a little nervous suddenly. It was then that he felt Edward's lips against his, locked in a passionate, though clearly inexperienced, kiss. It was sweet, like the kiss of a lover in the early morning. He pulled the boy's head closer, and the kiss deepened. He let his tongue trace the outline of Edward's lips, caress the youth's tongue, and all the while stroked the back of his head.  
As they broke apart there was a second loud clap.  
"Keep your eyes closed," Ed ordered in a shaky voice.  
Roy did as he was ordered, slightly dazed by the sudden, unexpected kiss. He listened, as there were the crackling sounds of transmuting, and heavy footsteps, louder at first then steadily growing softer.  
"Ed?" He asked.  
Silence. He opened his eyes to see himself alone. Ed had fled the scene. Shaking his head, Roy let himself into his apartment, determined to get some sleep. He hadn't had such a strange night in many years.

The next morning, Roy arrived in his office. As he looked around, he did not see a door anywhere near it.  
"Perhaps Ed is late." He said to himself, as he sat down behind his desk. Which wasn't unusual.  
No one else had arrived yet, so he settled back into his chair. He suddenly noticed a small brown package on the side of his desk. It was addressed to him, in the sloppy familiar scrawl of the Fullmetal Alchemist. He untied the string, and carefully pulled the paper from a small box. Inside was a letter, and a miniature door, no bigger than a mouse hole. Confused, Roy looked to the letter.

**Dear Colonel Bastard:  
** **I suggest the next time you want someone to do something for you, you don't treat them like crap. I did enjoy the dinner, and I especially liked our late dessert. So, I felt obliged to follow through slightly on our deal. Here is the door you asked for. It's not full scale, but you didn't ask for it to be, so I felt this was appropriate. Maybe if you'd like to try again when I return from Resembool, I'd be glad to provide the department with a full size door. If not, well, thanks anyway for dessert. **

**See ya, Mustang.  
** **Ed.  
**


End file.
